I love my dad

Okay, I've been debating on this blog for a bit now. This is not a situation I'm openly raw about, but I feel I owe this to my sweet, supportive friends. And to those kind, kind people that ask me how he's doing, but don't really get a sincere answer. Even when he's okay, it's not an easy question.
Last week my dad was at work & his friends noticed he wasn't making much sense & then he fell. Having been through this before, we know these are the signs of a stroke, so they went to the ER. By the time I got there they had him in a room with the Dr. & he was all back to normal again. We stayed with him while we waited for a bunch of tests. He was sweating a lot, so my mom & I just rubbed his head with a cloth & talked to him. Things changed really quickly though & it was clear he wasn't alright. He obviously was in a lot of pain so we went to get help. The next couple of minutes were really fast & scary. We tried to stay out of the way but comforted him when we could & just held each other. He was having another stroke. The worst so far. I've never loved my dad & mom more, or felt so helpless & heartbroken.
The rest of the morning & afternoon was lots of tests & just rubbing & kissing him. He wasn't very responsive & it was clear things weren't right. It was just very confusing. That evening they moved him to a room. He was still disoriented & couldn't remember anyone, but the tests came back & the Drs were optimistic that this time things would be temporary. That made him calling us weird names, telling my mom she "looked familiar" & putting a sock on his head a little more bearable. After a good nights sleep he was back to normal with minimal damage & the Drs were making sure he realized how lucky he was this time but that the Cadasyl is still very much there. And now he's back home & taking a little R&R.
Just a reminder that we have been blessed with 2 extra years, but the disease is there & ready. 15 years ago my grandpa died from the same disease & most of my memories of him are after a stroke left him mentally debilitated. My dad reminded me so much of him. Sweet as can be & so loving. Like a child, but not my dad. We've known our time is limited, but I guess we wanted to forget.
For those of you who know him, you are so lucky. I know everyone thinks that about their dad, but this guy is it. He is truly an amazing person. Every one's hero. To meet him is to love him. He's every one's friend & is always more than ready to serve. He is THE giver. He'd give you anything without a seconds hesitation. And he's the most down to earth person I know. There has never been a moment when I wasn't overly proud that he is mine. My whole life has been filled with strangers telling me how much they love him. I haven't ever known any different.
I'm not sure how I got so blessed, but he is my dad. Mine to take me to Daddy Daughter activities, chaperon on school trips, go for Saturday morning drives, love my friends, take my husband as his own, give me Valentine's cards, listen with an understanding, sympathetic ear with so, so wise advice, go for walks with the dog, fly along for free on business trips, hold my hand through contractions (he was actually pretty bad at it), love my baby boy without restraint, cuddle with in his chair.
Maybe this is our sacrifice for having such a great man so close for so long, but I want my dad. What am I supposed to do without a dad? I want him to love Taj because he's his grandson, not because he loves all kids & has no idea what a grandson is. Is my son going to remember his Papa? And when it's all done, how is the family really supposed to move on without our dad? Who's going to drop off doughnuts at our house on Saturday mornings? Really how selfish though when my mom is losing her husband? When my dad is having to face the reality that he's not going to know his family. They're still so young. It's just so much pain & not much light. I know we will make it & we've been blessed so much so far, just right now I'm not feeling it. We do have really amazing, amazing people to support us & share the pain & thank you for that. We'll be okay. Thanks for all the thoughts & prayers. We know you're there & it means a lot.
No need for comments on this one guys.